Why do gay people like to argue

Men in gay gangs especially expressed genuine and heartfelt connections to their fellow gang members. But I also suspect that my own masculine presentation allowed them to feel more at ease; I speak directly, have very short hair and usually leave the house in plaid, slacks and Adidas shoes.

Because even the idea of a gay man being in a gang flies in the face of conventional thought, the gang members I spoke with had to constantly resist or subvert a range of stereotypes and expectations. They questioned if being tough or eager to fight constituted what it should mean to be a man.

There are many stereotypes of and assumptions about street gangs , just as there are many stereotypes and assumptions about gay men. Pretty much none of those stereotypes overlap. We notice it all around us. These were their friends, their chosen families — their pillars of emotional support.

Though arguing often carries negative connotations, it can serve important psychological functions when done constructively. As one man told me, he was glad cellphones had been invented because he could keep his private sexual life with men just that: private. It helped that the initial group of men whom I spoke to knew me from years earlier, when we became friends at a drop-in center for LGBTQ youth.

In the hybrid gangs, members felt far more comfortable coming out than those in purely straight gangs. The gay men in straight gangs I spoke with knew precisely what was expected of them: be willing to fight with rival gangs, demonstrate toughness, date or have sex with women and be financially independent.

What if the other members got preoccupied about being sexually approached? Arguing is a common form of communication that most people engage in from time to time. Most of these gangs were primarily male. Men fight for survival, dominance, and personal gain, but they also fight just for fun.

Likewise, coming out was a huge risk. Anthropologists have found that the more conflict is culturally condoned, the more boys and men tend to fight, roughhouse, and engage in arguments simply because it feels good. Despite the dangers, some wanted to come out.

While my race and gender did make for some awkward interactions some folks we encountered assumed I was a police officer or a business owner , with time I gained their trust, started getting introduced to more members and began to learn about how each type of gang presented its own set of challenges.

Some of the gang members were in gangs made up of primarily gay, lesbian or bisexual people. Being effeminate was a nonstarter; they were all careful to present a uniformly masculine persona, lest they lose status and respect. Why? Because making fun of or. Human beings fight with one another because, largely, it’s in our nature, Valter Pahlad writes.

So most stayed in the closet, continuing to project heterosexuality, while discreetly meeting other gay men in underground gay scenes or over the internet. But they had more flexibility. The experience, which took place over the course of more than two years, allowed me to explore the tensions they felt between gang life and gay manhood.

Gay Couples Can Teach Straight People a Thing or Two About Arguing Same-sex couples, on average, resolve conflict more constructively than different-sex couples, and with less animosity, studies. This obvious contradiction was one of the main reasons I was drawn to the subject of gay gang members.

Vanessa R. Panfil does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment. Being openly gay could threaten their status as well as their safety.

Would their fellow gang members start to distrust them? One particularly striking story came from a member of a straight gang who made a date for sex over the internet, only to discover that it was two fellow gang members who had arranged the date with him. They were still in a gang.

Understanding the psychology behind why people argue can provide insight into how to have productive disagreements. This meant they needed to clash with rival gay crews, so they valued toughness and fighting prowess. They vouched for me to their friends. It was also more acceptable for them to project femininity, whether it was making flamboyant gestures, using effeminate mannerisms, or wearing certain styles of clothing, like skinny jeans.

They quarrel and bicker and fight. Men and women argue with each other. How could I — a white, middle-class woman with no prior gang involvement — gain access to these gangs in the first place? But a number of fears held them back.