When you find out your husband is gay

When we were about seven years married, I began to worry about my husband. No-one understood. No-one really knew what to say. If you suspect your husband might be. There were support groups for gay married men, forums where he could discuss what he was going through.

He got quite angry with me for suggesting this and refused to talk any more about it. Actually, we looked forward to it! When he came out, he was greeted with encouragement and affirmation. He never mentioned our discussion again, and so I convinced myself that it was all in his head.

We met in our late teens and the attraction was instant: he was very cute, and always had a bevy of adoring women hanging out of him, but he seemed to only have eyes for me. He was finally being true to himself, forging a new identity, taking his destiny into his own hands. Finding out your partner is gay can turn your world upside down and make you question everything about your relationship.

Plus, how to talk to your husband about his sexuality Sexuality is complex, and there are a lot of people out there who don't realize their sexuality is more fluid than they think until later in life. We moved from our first, small suburban home to something slightly bigger, with more space for our expanding family.

The first question everyone asks me is, did I have any idea back then about his sexuality? Eventually, after a few too many glasses of wine one night, he admitted to having fantasies about men. I thought he was stressed at work, maybe a little depressed. We had the same sense of humour, liked the same things, and six weeks later, we hooked up and were one of the first couples in the gang to marry and settle down.

Sexual fantasies. He had become anxious and withdrawn, sometimes angry and defensive. This writer was blindsided when her husband came out to her as gay. As he came out of the closet, I felt like I was being forced in. I was so in love that I refused to hear the alarm bells, muffled though they were.

What was he saying? I was left alone to pick up the pieces. Any inkling? The years passed by uneventfully. An intimacy maybe, an urgency. I realise now that there was something lacking. Life was full of the usual: school runs, playdates, dinner parties with other happily married couples just like ourselves.

Not really. We were young and fairly innocent. Was he gay? So, next time if you have similar doubts in mind, just study your partner, check out his browsing histories and find information about his friends and you will come across signs your husband is gay.

The next day, it was swept under the carpet, and I went into a state of shock and denial: he was a good father, my best friend and he loved me; life was good. On our first wedding anniversary I was seven months pregnant, and within two years was expecting our second child.

Once your doubt is realized, you need to plan your next course of action carefully since these are sensitive matters that need to be handled with care. I tried talking to him but he shut down and cut me off. Read her story and advice on seeking help and learning to move on, here.

I was stunned, baffled, confused.